Thursday, December 8, 2011

Math Problem

I do not use the word hate lightly - and my children, in fact, believe that hate is one of the "bad words"....... but, I have a confession to make. I hate. my daughters. room.  It literally looks like a bomb went off in it. A bomb that was full of pink, sparkles, shiny crap, plastic animals, markers, paper, hair accessories, doll limbs, and some stuff I can't even identify. 

Now before you start messaging about the wonders of throwing all her stuff out when she is not there.  Don't bother. It's not going to happen.  Again.

I spent 2 afternoons in the room I hate - I threw out an ark full of crap - three days later - the room I hate looked exactly the same as it did before.  I have 2 hours and 47 minutes a day to myself while she goes to half day kindergarten - my only opportunity to infiltrate her room (the room I hate) - and it won't happen again.

Why you ask?

Because. I then had conversations like this:

Safari: Have you seen my little triangle of paper with a sparkle star sticker on it?

Me: Um. No I haven't.  (This. is a lie. A - BIG -FAT -LIE)

Safari: Please come help me find it (tears).

Me: okay.

For the next half an hour I am in the room I hate. With a child that is hysterical. Searching for a tiny piece of paper that no longer exists.

Me: You know what hon, why don't we just make a new triangle piece of paper with a sparkle star sticker on it? We have more sparkle star stickers!

Safari: Will you help me?

Me: Of course!

Safari: We should make a bunch so I have extras in case I lose one again.

Me: I think that is a great idea. (yet another - BIG- FAT - LIE)

So let's re-cap, shall we? NOW. I have spent 5 hours and 34 minutes in the room I hate secretly removing stuff. Then - I spend ANOTHER 30 minutes in the room I hate searching for an item that no longer exists.  THEN - I spend yet ANOTHER hour and 42 minutes in the room I hate cutting 27 triangles of paper while the hysterical one attaches small sparkly star stickers to them.  So I now have spent 7 hours and 46 minutes - in the room I hate - creating a situation - where I now have 26 more little pieces of paper with sparkly stars on them - than I originally tossed away.

I am no Mathematician - but, I am pretty sure that all that added up to a colossal waste of my time.

Now you will have to excuse me - I need to go buy more sparkly star stickers.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Christmas - Don't be a Hater!!!


Okay. Not everyone loves Christmas but, I do!!! I know people have challenges at Christmas - I have them too - for example - my favorite pair of pink and silver sparkle Christmas socks with the picture of Rudolf on them have pom poms in the back.  They are impossible to get into my winter boots.  See?!? We all have problems to work through.

What is NOT. to love. about Christmas?!? okay okay - the mall Santa's ARE creepy. But wearing funny Christmas hats and adding booze to everything we consume? We can't get into that?!?

Now. Before everyone starts throwing rocks at this post and pointing out that there are families out there that can't afford to buy presents for their children and that Christmas is a true hardship for people out there - you. are. right. - and you need to get your ass out there and donate time or money to someone in need - and many of you do - and it is another reason I. love. Christmas!

My annoyance with the "Christmas Haters" ..... is more with the "First World" kind of Christmas issues ....... like: "I had to wait in a really long line up while listening to Christmas music."

Have you seen the crowds out there? um yeah. I actually picked up on that it happens yearly.

Cookies. Egg Nog. The Grinch. Twinkly lights. Santa. NONE of these things work for you?

When I hear someone start on a "I hate Christmas" rant ........ I do my best to walk away.  I am sorry but, your painfully predictable reasons for hating Christmas is cutting into my enjoying life to fullest time.  I would rather have someone kick me in the rum balls than listen to another lecture about consumerism. 

I KNOW. Christmas these days is all about greed and deceit.  Gotcha. Now get out of my way - I want to snag the last gingerbread man before the kids see it and work out some subtle hand signals with Grandma so we can win Pictionary this year.