Monday, January 30, 2012

Making Babies

You know when you are at a baby shower? And everyone is ooohing and aaaahing the perfect little features, and the perfect little toes and the perfect little fingers?  And the lady next to you says "doesn't it just make you want to have another?"

I smile - I nod but, in my head I am screaming at her "Are you out of your flipping MIND?" .... "NO".  And if holding that little baby really makes you feel that way - if that baby has some magical powers that will urge me to start over from the diaper stage - keep her the heck away from me. 

Yeah yeah - I see the cute baby - I also see the mom. She is fricken tired. Look at her - she is all blanked out watching her two year old eat food off the floor - and you know what she is thinking? She is thinking "Oh good, now I don't have to feed that one too". Look. Her left eye is twitching now.

Here is a fact: (Some of you ladies are going to want to sit down for this) I am not much of a "baby person". Now if you are sitting there reading this - and holding your baby - this comment might feel like an insult to you - so let me be clear: YOUR baby that lives at YOUR house - that YOU have to feed and YOU have to change his or her diaper that YOU have to get up with every 3 minutes: is AWESOME.

I always wanted to have children. When I pictured myself with children - they were children. Small people. Not babies.

Now don't get me wrong. I loved my babies. That initial feeling of love that has never been experienced before over your children - truly amazing - truly unmatched. I loved them with all my heart but, WOW - they were high. maintenance.

Now I had babies that didn't sleep. Draven didn't sleep to the extreme. The baby book says "Don't be concerned if your baby sleeps 16 to 18 hours a day." ...... that is WHAT. THE. BOOK. SAID. ....... NOOOO .... no no no no ..... not Draven ..... he slept 45 minutes at a time ..... every 3 hours for a fricken year and a half. Then the book didn't say that anymore. Because I ripped that page out. If you are one of those people that say "all babies do is eat, poop, and sleep" ..... we are probably not friends ..... because I hate you ..... because you are a liar.

The conversation about having our second child went something like this:

Me: I think I am ready to have another baby
Husband: Are you insane?
Me: Probably
Husband: I saw a documentary on what lack of sleep does to your brain. You will probably never go     back to normal.
Me: Might as well try for a girl then?

BINGO! It's a girl! . He was right. I will never go back to normal.

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