Thursday, November 17, 2011

Let it Snow Baby!!!!

You know how when you are taking your long underwear off and they some how roll down in perfect harmony with your socks rolling down? And now they have become one unit.  One unit that you can't stretch enough to slide over your heel and you can't get them to separate.  And now, you're STUCK with your freakin long underwear around your left ankle - so you shake it around and curse because you are already grumpy from being cold all friggen day? No? then you are probably not from Canada.

Then why do we live here?  We don't live here.  We were born here .... and we can't escape. Why? because Canada is awesome. And Canadians are awesome. We need to blame the first stupid awesome people that decided to have stupid awesome babies here. They bred a whole country of awesome - patriotic - COLD people. Stupid settlers. 

All Canadian Moms teach their children the basics:
  1. The snow pants go UNDER the coat.  Even though my son tries to jam them over - every. freakin.year
  2. Your mitts need to be secured over your coat sleeves - nothing ends a party like getting snow on your wrists
  3. Don't throw snowballs at your mom. I gave you life .... don't make me take it away ...
  4. And DO NOT. UNDER ANY circumstances - lick anything metal.
YET. Come mid January when all the snow angel/snowman/snowball making starts to get old - children will get bored enough to test the "licking metal" theory and you will find hundreds of Canadian children stuck to metal playground poles all across this great country.

I got my first car when I was 18.  And for 14 years I dealt with winter like this: From Warm Building to Warm Car. From Warm Car to Warm Building. Repeat.

I would spend a grand total of 7 minutes outside in an entire day and STILL complain how cold it was.  How I managed to not have my arse kicked with a frozen boot, by people that actually WORK outside for hours at a time, I will never know. 

Then, I had children. They love EVERYTHING about snow - they love to skate, and ski and build snowmen and all. kinds. of. ridiculous. crap. 

Another #!##$ing thing I was NOT warned about.



    It's funny cause it's true!

  2. We have a wonderful closed off deck that I can throw my monsters on to for the afternoon and for the most part they are happy and I am happy (watching them out the window). They will learn.
    My DD (at not quite 2 and a half) told me before the first snow fell: "Mommy, winter sucks. Let's go to beach." No DNA test required to prove she is mine. (HoneyBadgerMama)

  3. I can't even fathom working outside in the cold. Or the heat.

    Or at all [blergh - bugs].

    I enjoy civilization.

  4. I'm keeping my eyes closed until Spring. If I don't see it, it's not there right?
    But then I forgot about actually feeling the cold.
    And then I remembered I'm allergic to alcohol, and then depression hit.
    I'm Canadian and I am awesome.